I’m a girl. Make a fuss over me.
This past week a friend proposed to his lady love. He proposed in Central Park with a ring and a poem that he wrote himself. After she said yes he took her back to his place where he busted out the champagne and cup-cakes (from Magnolia Bakery because she loved those). Instead of being happy for them I was green with envy. I have been married five years, I have no romantic interest at all in this friend of mine and I will go on record here to say I like his fiancé – BUT I was jealous. I was jealous because I was forced to recollect how I was proposed to.
My husband and I already lived together at the time and happened to be in the middle of a major fight. We had spent two days ignoring each other – a pretty considerable feat given the size of our living quarters. On the third day of the stand-off he suggested to me (in his usual condescending tone that always makes it sound like I am the crazy one) that we should perhaps talk about what the problem was. We could not do this at home because we had a close friend of his staying with us and so he suggested we leave the apartment. We live by Battery Park (good view of Lady Liberty) and so that is where we went to settle the score. Better to create a scene in front of complete strangers than in front of people you know.
‘What seems to be the problem?’
‘What seems to be the problem is you are a condescending prick and I am sick of it.’
‘Listen Radhika, this type of abuse is not helpful.’
‘Well it’s helpful to me.’
‘Calm down.’
There are few words in the English language that get a bigger reaction out of me than ‘calm down’, ‘chill out’ and ‘relax’.
‘You calm down, you shit head! – And by the way the next time one of your stupid friends has a question about when it is that we plan to get married, make sure they direct that to you because I am sick of telling them that I am living with a man who has no interest in marrying me.’
Long pause.
‘Well – that was something I had been thinking about. But I didn’t know exactly how to bring it up.’
I could not believe it was happening. I was being proposed to by someone who had no idea how to and so now it was up to me to drag a proposal out of him. I felt like a tug-boat bringing the cruise ship in to the Hudson.
‘Are you asking me to marry you?’
‘Yes.’
Being the desperate, needy female that I am I said ‘Yes please’ and then called all my parents, his parents and my girl-friends before he could change his mind. This was my proposal. No ring, no poem, no champagne and no bloody cup-cakes.
Can you imagine? I had to show up at work the next day – in a New York advertising agency that was full to the brim with girls whose boy-friends had really put in the work to become fiancés – with this!
In the retelling of the tale I had no choice but to embellish it with elements of romance that I imagined would make an appearance at the most average of proposals. Plus, being a girl who always looked for a silver lining when it came to the dark clouds of my relationship, I thought that at the very least it was unique. Until Seal proposed to Heidi Klum in a motherfucking igloo.
Women like having a story. We want our girl-friends to think that you really thought about marrying us. That you obsessed about it, that all your friends were part of helping you plan, that for once you stopped trying to be cool and instead finally turned in to a pussy with a ring, a poem and cup-cakes (sorry Sanju!).
If you want us to love you forever then make the proposal special or your wife will write a blog about it.
Good luck Sanju and Monika. I love you guys – it’s just my husband I’m fighting with.
Knowing your husband I am surprised he didn’t just get you drunk, club you over the head ( to shut you up ), take you to city hall and get hitched…
Personally I would have suggested he followed that path… it would have helped him now…!
you forgot the bit about dragging her by her hair, dhruva. or by her short and curlies, probably.
great advice from you, as usual.
What makes you think she has short and curlies ? I believe thats actually what Thaks loves about her…The Gillette Mach 3 Turbo look… !
easy to relate to, honest and hilarious as always
its the price us cool chicks pay for being cool
it made me think and look back at all my married friends, every couple has its own story, girls want romantic proposal, guys do not want to propose at all
. Classic situation, almost rhetorical Hamlet’ question “To be or not to be:)?”. What matters the most after all that they still together and happy, but not the way proposal was made 
.
), as single and available and high maintenance under cover gal 
. it makes me think what will i settle down 
. One thing i know for sure no Tiffany RING pls!!! Cliche!!!!
:) and making me think of marriage 
.
And as I have friends who got all “romantic package”,and the ones who got nothing (they got amazing husbands
Rad, thanks for digging deep
sorry for such long respond lol
Revenge of the blog! I like it!
Aha.. watch it everyone who crosses this woman
On a separate note, no matter how much you bitch and moan, I dont think anyone can find it in themselves to feel even a teeny bit sorry for ya’
hey ….this has been my complaint for the past 16 yrs…actually i dont remember being proposed to at all…..its like a very important part of my life has gone missing….its a trump card i bring up every time there is a major fight !!!!good one.
dot, now i’m fearful wondering what thy mom’s story is. that said, who’s this poet friend of yours? it takes nothing less than poetic licentiousness to combine cupcakes & bubbly – bloody awful combo i’d imagine! but then it takes all types; how say you, deepak? bertie
Funny as always! And of course it made me think about my proposal… Even though I am married with two kids, I am still waiting for some romantic showdown:)
Thanks for giving me points for that proposal, Rads. Let’s not forget your and Deepak’s important role in the planning and execution. Poetry, bubbly, roses and cupcakes: not the most macho of combos but sure do make up a good story for the girls.
My dear girl,
Considering your man took you to the Battery Park originally planning to strangle you and not ask you to marry him, here’s something that I think he has, which copy book ‘proposers’ don’t – spontaneity. And since when do women have a problem with that?
Hey, it seems as though your slightly…ahem…unconventional proposal, served one purpose at least…it has propelled you and Thakran to be an integral part of all subsequent Dosco weddings/engagements…(perhaps you both lend out your services to other personalities as well). Chugh, Pandit, and H and my wedding/poem invite to name a few!
I hear you Radhika! Married 10 years and 2 kids, but never got the romantic proposal either. All I got was a ‘you better marry me’ in a closet after a drunken night out. Which he pretended to forget the next day! And hubby dearest does not believe in jewelery, so still waiting for the ring! In the traditional Indian style his mom gave me a very traditional ring on the wedding day. These men owe us!
hahah…loved it. been married 7 yrs and i’m still waiting for my proposal. the one where he asks me to marry him, and not me con him into marrying me. these doscos are pretty much all the same i think. good to commiserate with you!
ha ha ha that was awesome…I could almost hear the conversation and pictured Mr. T saying what he did very nonchalantly….
why do i faintly recall that you guys were having icecream when this happened….oh i get it – it was part of the embellished story for the gals….oh well, maybe that was one good night of make up sex after that fight at least?
No we did have ice-cream – but it was a detail i thought i would spare my readers!! god you have a bloody elephantic (?) memory. Like mine!
Radz .. you gotta stop writing this blog … You are killing me …. itz too funny.