Desperate women do desperate things.
I used to make fun of people who bought exercise equipment named Ab Circle Pro, or weight loss pills called Lipofuze or Metabo EXTREME Fat Burner, or work out videos with titles like Destroy Only The Fat Cells (OK I made up this one up but you get the picture). I used to judge these people, call them stupid and wonder about the state of their minds. How could intelligent folks get suckered so hard in to this game that basically preys on desperation? After all, let’s face it, you have to be pretty desperate to believe that a tablet is going to get rid of that paunch.
Until I became desperate.
You see I had just completed my annual medical check-up. I am 37 years old, 5 feet and 6 inches tall and weigh 128 pounds – my fighting weight (as I like to call it) from when I was in college. The only problem is that now most of that weight is in the form of pure cellulite. Yes my dear reader (or readers if there is more than one) I am a skinny lady who sags. And it breaks my heart because I am one of those people who exercises regularly. I enjoy exercise. At first I did it to stay skinny, then to ward of depression, and now I use to stay away from drugs and alcohol (which as we all know has not been as successful). But regardless of my reasons I like how it makes me feel. The problem is I don’t look as good as I feel and so I became one of those desperate people.
This happened on Monday at 6pm. I had a waxing appointment at Bliss Spa. After I had been tortured by the lovely and amazing Beata I went to pay my bill and it was here in the lobby that I came face to face with a product designed by Bliss Spa that made me lose my mind – the fatgirlslimulator. This magical creation is a circulation and stimulation tool for leaner looking legs (says so on the box).
I heard angels sing. This is what I had been waiting for. If I used this ‘rubber cellulite scrubber’ everyday then I would be able to (in time of course) get rid of the cellulite! Plus, it said to use the gizmo in the shower so no additional time needed. This thing had been designed with me in mind. It was calling my name. I had to have it.
Later that evening I proudly showed my husband my fatgirlslimulator.
You know this won’t actually work right?
I ignored him. What did he know? He had no idea how hard I planned to scrub my ass and thighs the next day. I would show him! And I did. The following day I scrubbed and rubbed with so much enthusiasm and vigor that I may have taken some skin off. But I didn’t care. No pain no gain.
I intend to use my fatgirlslimulator regularly. I believe in it. Call it blind faith. I don’t care – I have nothing else.
LMFAO! What if you just scrub so hard, that you’ll have your biceps popping out?
LMFAO?
btw you know the only thing that helps kill the C-lite? Regular massages. no cream sheam etc.
having said that, one day the body will age, no matter what. then what??
RAD: lmk if it works!!! bliss is a legit spa, so…??? we shall see.
By the way I tried the fatgirlsthin product from bliss a few years ago and I am sure my thighs got larger!