The last word.
Women react badly to one word.
This word is not bitch. Or whore. Or slut. Most of us can ignore these words – they are silly words that may cause momentary anger but there is no long lasting effect. We do not allow these words to define us.
But there is one word that really gets our goat and that word is nag. We don’t like it.
It’s a word that men use to insult, upset and annoy any female they are in a long-term relationship with. When a man calls a woman a nag what we hear is this: You are old, cranky and thoroughly un-fuckable. He might as well be telling you that you remind him of his mother.
It’s a bad, bad word.
But it’s time for us to get over it. We need to stop looking at nag as an insult. It’s precisely what men want us to think so we stop nagging. And here is the thing -we never will. No matter how hard we try. Because we women like to have the last word and sometimes that means going on and on and on about something until we do. So instead of getting mad let’s get better at it. Let’s embrace our inner nag, the little lady with the pointy hat.
The first step in that direction is to understand that we always have a good reason to nag. We do it because (1) most men have a listening problem. If they listened the first time we wouldn’t have to nag, and (2) we just don’t find them that cute anymore. It’s true; we never nag in the beginning of a relationship it usually starts around the time his shine wears off. Your man really shouldn’t be all that surprised by it but he is. So educate him.
The second step is to understand that ALL women do it and I have proof. I came across this information in a book titled What in the Word by etymologist Charles Harrington Elster.
Xanthippe (zan-TIP-ee) a henpecking shrew.
Xanthippe was the wife of Socrates and she has gone down in history as a quarrelsome, ill-tempered, nagging brow-beater. But what most people do not know about this contentious couple is that Socrates was an ugly, arrogant runt who had it coming to him. As one etymologist put it, he “was so unconventional as to tax the patience of any woman.”
If Socrates’ wife was doing it then everyone is. The only women who can claim they do not nag are single women or women who do not live with their mate. Anyone else claiming this is a bloody liar and you can stab her in her lying eye for me.
And last but not least seek out strong role models. Women who have been around so long that they just do not give a fuck about what men think. I was lucky to have had this exposure early in my life. Ages ago I was at lunch at my friend Mona’s * house. Her dad, Uncle Kurien*, and I were discussing his views on religion. He is an atheist but I knew that Mona’s mother, Aunty Sara*, was a devout Syrian Christian so I asked him if he ever went to church. With a great deal of conviction he said, I will never set foot in a church. Ever.
Aunty Sara, who had been flapping around getting lunch on the table, heard this.
Well then Kurien you better hope I die before you do because otherwise you are going in to a church. Like it or not.
I assumed she was joking. After all isn’t marriage about respecting each other’s differences? Isn’t it about making room for another person’s belief system? Isn’t it about letting your loved one be who they are? But she wasn’t kidding. If Aunty Sara outlives Uncle Kurien she is going to give him the holiest send-off she can possibly envision. Anything to save his soul. And yes – anything to have the last word.
You Know what I say to Aunty Sara? YOU GO GIRL!
*Names changed to protect the privacy of my friends and their families.
Kudos to you Rads!
nag: meaning : an old or over-worked horse